it was a while since i had read up on current affairs - but a glance at it over the weekend told me what i had been missing all this while.
news says, cafe coffee day yes, our (un)friendly neighbourhood CCD, is going luxury. its boss wants to start a chain of high end hotels, starting off with chikmagalur, replete with swimming pools, sauna, jacuzzis, et al - some even private ones! keeping in tradition with any average cafe of theirs one would come across, it sets one's imagination on how this new venture might turn out to be.
customer (C): excuse me, where is the fitness centre?
hotel attendant (HA): thats down the isle to your right sir.
C: (on reaching down the hall to his right) er... i see only aerobics mats. where are the treadmills and the weights?
HA: we dont have those sir.
C: but your brochure said you have them all.
HA: it is not here sir. we are yet to order them. not in stock sir.
C: eh? whatever... can you at least tell me where the jacuzzi is?
HA: the room adjacent to the swimming pool sir.
C: er.. excuse me, the jacuzzi water isnt hot.
HA: yes sir, it is cold.
C: that's what i meant when i said it isnt hot. isnt it supposed to be hot?
HA: yes sir. but the heater isnt working sir.
C: but the sauna seems to be working fine. how come?
HA: yes sir, you can use the sauna also.
C: i meant the sauna has hot steam in it. isnt the heater supposed to be down?
HA: sir, we use different heaters for the two sir. that one is working.
C: hmmm. ok. (sigh) say, i had these coupons that give me complimentary use of the jacuzzi, but since that isnt working, can i swap it for the sauna instead?
HA: am sorry sir, that cannot be done.
C: and why not!? it is just swapping one service to another!
HA: am sorry sir, but they are not priced the same.
C: so i shall pay the damn difference! @#$%!
HA: am sorry sir, combining coupons and cash is not allowed. you will need a coupon for the sauna or pay for it in total.
C: (ripping his hair) aaarrrggghhh!
HA: (pause) so would you like to opt for the sauna sir? (C nods - his head could boil the jacuzzi by now) would you like some aromatic oils and vapours while you are in it sir?
C: (looking around for sharp and dangerous objects) no thanks, just gimme the goddamn steam!
HA: very fine sir. (more pause then presents C with a folder) sir... the bill sir, it will be charged to your room. you dont have to sign it now, this is just for your information.
the icing on the cake - it seems the venture has got going with a meagre investment of 15 crores. i would be surprised if this episode doesnt remain a figment of my imagination... not to forget, a 24hour coffee shop - catered to by the regular cafe coffee day staff!! (faint)