中国!

yup, pretty much all of that land is considered forbidden by most of us... from straight-jacket government policies to the language and the food... very much an enigma for society at large. and anyone who's been there (and survived to tell the tale... :P - sorry couldnt resist that)... is looked at with awe and disbelief. and if you are a vegetarian, there are questions of whether you have finally decided to graduate along the food-chain (more of a PhD at that!)

so there i was, a short hop & jump trip to the land of the dragon... part aware, part enamoured but largely amused :) its like an ancient conspiracy... a project in mass cloning. every one of them just like the one who just passed you by! met l (almost all of them have an english name along with their chinese name) on the evening of our arrival and after the preliminary intros decided to catch up the following day over breakfast. quite unsuspecting, i would be damned if i could spot him the following morning! totally lost as i stood there in the restaurant amidst a sea of clones... saving grace - had he not walked up to me, i would have spent the rest of the day playing dumb charades with the hotel staff...

i must confess, just visiting ShenZhen makes for a very skewed fraction of the country. but thats been by window. an extremely young city that could easily pass of as an average american city... wide roads, american cars, swanky metro rails, buildings shooting into the sky... they say the place has grown from the prosperity of Hong Kong nearby. and with one humongous port to boot, things only got better. but what keeps it from being like any other american city? he he heee... :)

three things. they get those right and nothing could probably stop them. language, language and language. these people couldnt speak english to save their lives... yes, our interaction was with those in the MNCs and they knew english (they had to!) but that doesnt make all of china... a walk down the street and you will find the stores playing ONLY english hits. abba and their remixed derivatives seem to have taken their fancy around here. albeit, not one soul will talk to you in english. you could blabber and mime into eternity and they would keep smiling and noding at you like a hit-me doll... s & i eventually resorted to conversing with them in tamil & hindi. heck! it would sound just as strange as english!

and oh boy, those that do manage to speak a bit leave you astounded to say the least... we ask for directions to a shopping plaza supposedly nearby and lady staff in the 5-star hotel (yeah stayed in one of them! :P) says we need to just walk down the road and its right there. unsure, we confirm if a cab or bus would be more suitable and she rather animatedly, with all five fingers pointing to the pavement below, says "no! nooooo! yu wok on zis gvaund. ok." well, at least someone takes crouching tiger seriously!

and that was only the beginning of an adventure... entered a plaza that would remind me of mumbai's heera-panna or chennai's spencer plaza... bargain to your heart's content here folks. and you can do that rather successfully without a word exchanged... all with the help of the handy calculator. store guy punches in his quote and you need to respond accordingly :) and thats how it goes... right down to the basics there - conning ability against perceived value/cheap buys.

s & i eventually managed to get some cheap stuff (with a bit of help from l) - a shuffle lookalike... 2GB for INR450 equivalent (it was fine at the store, but now it only prefers mono) and an 8GB "SONY" flash drive for INR500 equivalent (it was fine at the store, but now its a black hole - files only get copied onto it) i am now left with a USB charger that i dare not plug any of my gadgets into!

sigh!

people. yes, interesting as ever :) and the chennai-singapore sector has presented itself with quite a few fables... was privy to couple of them this time around.

lone traveller lady (A) steps in with a tiny bag i could bet fell in the check-in category. purely for weight. struggles to get it into the bin above, doesnt quite make the cut and gives me the why-the-hell-cant-you-just-lift-it-and-put-it-up-there look. as i offer to do the honours i am thanked with a glare for keeping her from her window seat. lesson - if you have an aisle seat, never board the plane when your seat is called. murphy has a law for this where the middle and window sitters always drop in later. and there are those who think cabin baggage is just another opportunity to carry more luggage...

group member (B) separated from his tribe across the aisle and has the misfortune (mine actually) of being handed the middle seat. i was already kicking myself for having chosen the aisle... yup, i asked for it. passengers are just about getting cozy in their seats as our man calls for "one coffee and biscuits". at least say please dude!

now A & B start chatting up (they happen to speak the same language) and find delight in conversing over their blaring headphones... inqusitive looks from seats around seem to put them at discomfort and they now decide to remove their headphones and converse over others' headphones :) this over healthy gulps of beer by B (to the point of refusal by the crew) makes for interesting travel company :P

and as we finally make it to singapore and our way out, shift focus to the remainder of the tribe... you know, singapore airlines does a pretty neat job of keeping its flyers happy. but theres that feeling of grass being greener on the other side. here's where our (economy-class) tribe eyes the first-class goodie-bag. its a tragic scene... but cant miss the eye. tribesman eagerly scans every seat of the premium zone, spots one (mind you, discarded by one of the passengers) and quickly grabs hold of it. not sure if the crew spotted him pocket the spoils of his war (am sure he is a socialist - or robinhood deep inside), if they did, they feign ignorance and hold their natural warm smile...

sigh!

of queues, trains and buses...

you see it all around you... and its not just here. people hate standing behind someone else in a queue. its a direct hit on their self-respect. they might be headed nowhere for all they care, but a queue wasnt made for them. so here is a guy supposed to be behind me in line for a train ticket but insists on standing right next to me. and thus is born the second queue... make it a point to remind him of his rightful position on the serpentine and i get the philosophical nod... "hmm... i know". my words however arent encouraging enough for him. its a land of equals after all. this is how democracy is deciphered. the right is exercised when we reach the ticket window... and our man tries to thrust his note in before i do... a stern stare is met with a grunt of cheap liquor. he's in his senses alright!

***

one thing i like about this city - its got local trains! reminds me of mumbai. but yeah, not that the locals use them... here in chennai, it is little more than a giant toy. picture this - on either side of the compartment you have not more than 2 seats per row. at the design table, either they expected people to get their daily exercise by standing all the way or so ashamed of their work, they hoped (and ensured) as less people as possible would get onto them... and dig this... the signaling system in chennai stations... they still have someone step out of the station master's room to flash a red & green. yes, i heard that guffaw of yours :)

now here's another thing that really intrigues me. i knew restaurants are to shut down by 11pm. i think this was more for the watering holes as a measure of control. now food courts in chennai central station follow the rule to the T. there's a whole group of hungry travellers at the doors and the stall owners are more than glad to shoo them away.

stall owner: no! get lost. i cant serve you. its 11pm.
customer: but am paying you for it! and its not even 11 yet!
s/o: so!? (10:50 actually but i truly madly deeply hate customers) you better come up with a stronger reason than that my lad!
all this as he rather hurriedly covers the shelves as if we looking at them might end up urging him into making a sale. but then, he looks at it more as "groan! he's gonna make me work! baah!!"

***

now here's my another favourite crib section. BMTC :) bus stand to home is a rs.3 ticket... pay the conductor that much and he gives back a rupee with no ticket... EVERYTIME. insist on a ticket and you will hear the fiercest of the snarls and made to get off at your stop from a running bus :)

road less travelled

truly less travelled :)
(note steps 12 thru 14)

of cabs and AC coaches...

it was one of those futile attempts at traveling light. grossly futile one must say... what with one that warranted me to hail a cab to get me to the city station.

well, here i was waiting for my 10:15 cab and as soon as i notice the vehicle at my doorstep, out i jump and board it. "ramesh sir? central station?" - me says, "not ramesh. central station, yes." and off we go. for a place like chennai, i was mighty impressed by this chap's punctuality! now these cab guys need to keep informing their control room of their pickups and drops... so while our man kept bellowing into his wireless "saar 411, on drip! number 411, on drip!" (took me a while to realise he meant we were on our trip!) though all we heard was the control room howling into the radio set that his customer was pretty pissed that he wasnt picked up... about 20mins into our trip i get a frantic call informing me that the chap on the other end was at my residence waiting to pick me up... now what are the chances that two individuals call the same cab service, from the same area, at the same time and head to the same destination? :)

that settled, i finally make it to chennai central. i must also add this trip truly deserved being labeled unusual. its not always i book my tickets in 3rd AC, but the times i do, my co-passengers ensure am not left unamused :) we always have a crowd that has this glaring misconception that as one shells out that extra money for that extra bit of comfort, one is obligated to talk in english - which may well be a verbatim translation of one's native tongue. in steps our protagonist huffing and puffing the hot madras air...

bloke: (looks up at the coach ceiling) "AC ij not on?"
lady: (not to be left behind) "it has just been on-ed. it will take some time to get cold."

mind you, we are in an AC compartment. boasting expensive gadgetry is second nature. so out comes our bloke's cellphone. now it is imperative he lets us know it can play songs and more than proves it to us with his hits of kumar sanu...! i had to burst that bubble - my ego was being called names here! so out come my iPod and PDA phone... there! :P and as the journey proceeds into the night, its time for all to hit the sack... we have the best saved for last...

bloke: uich ij your borth?
lady: (pointing at two of them) thich and thich

egad!

you try not to notice these things... but its difficult...

1. no matter who you are... if you look anything close to an indian, a gujju will always talk to you in gujarati. you may respond in anything but gujarati, but it doesnt matter. you get more questions in gujarati. switch to guestures. only to realize how pathetic you are in dumb-sharades. you are now facing a barage of questions in gujju...

2. business centre at singapore airport transit lounge i try to kill precious time. and the type of links i find in IE history... http://www.amishapatel.com... granted some poor bloke must be one helluva die hard fan, but this one's a killer. http://www.oriyamatrimonials.com...! now here's one desparate suitor who wants to make best his/her transit time!!

culture police

sometimes i wonder if i just go around asking for it! it was a delayed decision to make a weekend trip to b'lore. after much dilly-dallying about taking the following monday off and make it a real nice vacation :) but decided against it and stuck to the plain-vanilla weekend trip.

i certainly seem to be in a minority 'cos there was no dearth of tickets to get back here on a monday morning. the problem however lay in reaching b'lore. for someone like me, who is always quite kicked about online bookings, it was overwhelming to find a private tour operator offer such an option!

now this travel operator's site gives you a lot of options... but considering my timing, wasnt left with much. so here i was, looking at a volvo service with just 1 seat to go. gleefuly i decide to go ahead with the booking only to be shown a message that i wasnt eligible for the said seat. the reason? the seat adjacent to the lone one i chose was taken by a female passenger!! wow!

frankly, am at a loss for words here... not that i was overly joyous with the thought of having female company for the trip... it is imperative that i must remind the reader here that i do not abhor female company. not the least! but its the other way round that disturbs me. then again, my past observations of female transit on the b'lore-chennai route certainly makes me not look forward to such company. takes me to the one-liner "99% of the women in this world are beautiful, the rest travel b'lore-chennai"...!! grrr..

but i am deviating from the point here. my angst was about not being given that ticket... it merely reflects the kind of "culture" found in this part of the country. custodians of culture and tradition is what they like to think of themselves. somehow they need to convince me of the culture they are protecting when their very backyard is one overworked sleaze factory.... does it unsettle them that this little secret of theirs is out in the open?

oh btw, they allow a female to sit next to a seat occupied by a male... funny.

the return

it feels really stupid. but looks like it was meant for me to do what i am learning to do best. observe. the blimp seems soaring high, but all is not hot air.

recount of returning to india. a first trip to a foreign land has its merits. it has semblence to infantile nature. look at just about anything wide-eyed trying to absorb everything lest something might go amiss!

day 1 attempt 1. reached the airport well in advance, nothing could have gone wrong. well, murphy (no. not my client!) struck and everything went belly up. weather was horrible and could not have been crazier. could see the cargo carts on the tarmac shudder in the wind. one could rather call it a gale! then came the rain. making foot-long marks on the glass. how could anyone possibly fly in this weather!! thats right. flight cancelled and i was put on "standby" for the next one due for the day. it was like one of mumbai's suburban stations. flight timings were mere references bearing no relation to their departure time. the courteous ticketing girl tried her best to put me on a 9am flight that was to leave at well, 11:30am. but murphy wasnt done yet.

day 1 attempt 2. now the flight i "stood by" hoping to get onto was to reach houston at 2:45pm. practical sense pointed out that it would be cutting too close to the 3:40pm connection to frankfurt. hmmm. point. was in a fix but murphy came to my rescue once again :) he went ahead and delayed that flight too. so even a mere attempt of having a go at the flight was wiped out. no sweat! out i go to get me on another flight for the next day! i love these tickets that let you keep changing the dates at no extra cost! lufthansa said i had changed it 5 times already. i had lost count. all said and done, i am still in lafayette.

a minor episode worth mentioning here though. every time i reskeduled my flight called for going through security check. why? thats a long story. but by the third time the TSA chap would've assumed me to be a proven naturist! now whenever i see a conveyor i am driven by a morbid excitement to get the laptop out of its case and my shoes off! (oh boy!!) pure thrill! have enough expertise now to do it all under 30seconds. beat that!

day 2 attempt 1. day 2 wasnt off to a pleasing start either. i was put back on the 1:45 flight. murphy still wasnt happy. but on the advice of the airline staff (they said they would do it, it was my prerogative if i was prepared to subject myself to the same bout of lunacy) to put myself on standby (once again) for a 6am flight to houston. i decided to subject myself to that bout of lunacy. i unbelieveably made it on the 6am flight. the airline staff had whispered that people were lazy to turn up that early in the day. sweet lady. was looking prettier than on day 1. will drop a word of praise for her :) but Lafayette TSA took special interest in my baggage as well as me this time.

so there i was at houston airport at 7am waiting to catch a connection to frankfurt that leaves at uh... 3:40pm. kwel! had great plans of scouting houston knowing little that by the time i reached anywhere close to the city, it would be time to get back to the airport! it was a pleasant site to see the runway uh... running over the expressway below. so spent time picturising how it would have been were i to play the lead role in The Terminal.

houston airport security was just as surprised at my eagerness to strip.

a rather hasty post. to be continued....