of queues, trains and buses...

you see it all around you... and its not just here. people hate standing behind someone else in a queue. its a direct hit on their self-respect. they might be headed nowhere for all they care, but a queue wasnt made for them. so here is a guy supposed to be behind me in line for a train ticket but insists on standing right next to me. and thus is born the second queue... make it a point to remind him of his rightful position on the serpentine and i get the philosophical nod... "hmm... i know". my words however arent encouraging enough for him. its a land of equals after all. this is how democracy is deciphered. the right is exercised when we reach the ticket window... and our man tries to thrust his note in before i do... a stern stare is met with a grunt of cheap liquor. he's in his senses alright!

***

one thing i like about this city - its got local trains! reminds me of mumbai. but yeah, not that the locals use them... here in chennai, it is little more than a giant toy. picture this - on either side of the compartment you have not more than 2 seats per row. at the design table, either they expected people to get their daily exercise by standing all the way or so ashamed of their work, they hoped (and ensured) as less people as possible would get onto them... and dig this... the signaling system in chennai stations... they still have someone step out of the station master's room to flash a red & green. yes, i heard that guffaw of yours :)

now here's another thing that really intrigues me. i knew restaurants are to shut down by 11pm. i think this was more for the watering holes as a measure of control. now food courts in chennai central station follow the rule to the T. there's a whole group of hungry travellers at the doors and the stall owners are more than glad to shoo them away.

stall owner: no! get lost. i cant serve you. its 11pm.
customer: but am paying you for it! and its not even 11 yet!
s/o: so!? (10:50 actually but i truly madly deeply hate customers) you better come up with a stronger reason than that my lad!
all this as he rather hurriedly covers the shelves as if we looking at them might end up urging him into making a sale. but then, he looks at it more as "groan! he's gonna make me work! baah!!"

***

now here's my another favourite crib section. BMTC :) bus stand to home is a rs.3 ticket... pay the conductor that much and he gives back a rupee with no ticket... EVERYTIME. insist on a ticket and you will hear the fiercest of the snarls and made to get off at your stop from a running bus :)

car pool

i have gradually come to the conclusion that people in bangalore have too much money. do i hear a few "duh!"s here? no its not a long overdue divine revelation. more of an empirical observation...:p

this certainly seems true for those headed towards the IT oases. and rather striking in the traffic strongholds of k r puram, marathahalli, airport road, hosur road... find them flooded with bumper to bumper altos, zens and santros. not to forget the thousands of yellow board sumos and indicas (indicae!? :D) (tata motors is surely laughing its way to the bank!) but forget the taxis here, lets look at the altos, zens and santros. each can hold upto 4 in cosy comfort. why dont they car-pool!?

but no. they insist on getting their own rs.3-4lac vehicles, pay about 53 bucks a litre and spend hours cussing at the bumper ahead... what a pleasant way to start/end your day at work! i was aware of paying for your entertainment, but you also pay to screw your mood? as if a day at work wasnt enough to do the honours!

they all come up with excuses that they are forced to match their timings with the others... given a normal working day, how difficult is that? and bring in some urgency and emergencies and you always have a cab/rick to do handle them. would you still not end up saving time/money? dunno... please let me know if i have a flawed reasoning here... oh yes... money wastage was never a concern here :D

for those wondering how i manage... well, i use a private bus along with 25 others. and my paycheck doesnt give me the luxury of investing in a car... not on bangalore's roads for sure!

mod god

neighbourhood Annamma* temple devotees are demonstrating their love, respect, devoution, you know... the works. the temple it seems, isnt enough, so they bring it out onto the streets. which means closing the road for traffic, rerouting buses, etc. geez! you actually use the bus!? you can do without it for a day. awww... come on now! stop cribbing.

the lanes, by-lanes and just about any path that leads to that place sports loudspeakers. you really need to pump up the volume. after all, heaven is way up there & the gods are a bit hard of hearing. saar, its all part of the festivities saar! reminiscent of the days in mumbai when prayers to Ganesha included "tu cheez badi hai mast"... guess the slokas, mantras & bhajans could get a bit monotonous eh? the gods need some entertainment too. yo baby!

but gulshan kumar came to the rescue pretty early in the scene and a local influence is not far away. a kannada rendition on the tune of "babuji zara dheere chalo" is the perfect crowd puller. did somebody say belief and devotion was all that one need to have? dude! get a life!

noise pollution is it? call the 'for-your-service-and-protection' police station and here's what you get... "saar, protest against this, you for sure would get beaten up, even we wouldnt be spared! forget it saar..." i am all for the hafta system now.

gen-prev raised a toast when bangalore clamped the 11:30pm deadline on pubs & discs.... he he heee.... what goes around, comes around :) praise the lord! cheers :)


* an incarnation of Devi

annavaru

this is not an obituary, neither a eulogy about the humble soul. its about what people made of his departure.

never did one realise that someone's death could be so scary, and ironically, bring you close to your own. it was an inflamability test for just about anything they could lay their hands on. he was buried but bangalore burned.

they mourned, they say. and insisted that others were ordained to do the same. it didnt matter if he meant nothing to the others, it was made sure they felt bad he wasnt anymore.

like a scene out of moses, it was the passover of the plague. anything that carried his picture survived. the rest had a gravestone ready in its name. the mob didnt realise the joke was on them. companies closed early and carried annavaru with them. they thought it was in respect for their star.

they took a cue from mumbai, where they couldnt care less before bringing down a hospital for their leader didnt survive an accident. not that they repented it later. the law there learnt and wised up though. only, their counterparts here dont like to learn from others' mistakes. they like their name in blood. be it at the cost of being sitting ducks as they get pelted by a mob.

sorry, i forgot. thats how funerals happen here. you know, just like that da. adjust maadi.

aa bail mujhe...

garden city. thats what its called. but its time for a new name. something that speaks of the accidents here? it's so common, one would hardly raise a brow to it. auto companies could use these roads for their crash tests. read an article sometime back that b'lore manages the 2nd highest number of road accidents in india, following delhi.

the two months that i've been here, seen 2, witnessed one and was almost part of 2. but i was nestled safely in a cab... those on the receiving end were bikers. as my cousin retorts... need not worry. with the pace of the traffic, you cannot go fast enough to hurt yourself! a minor brush here & there, thats all.

it seems delhi has some 27k kms of road & manages some 1000+ collisions in a year. b'lore meanwhile with 4.5k kms of road does approx 750. that in fact makes me wonder about delhi... with 27k kms of road, do those buggers go around asking for a bump!?

more bmtc...

was very impressed years back when BEST in mumbai came up with their online route search. helped a helluva lot. moving to b'lore expected the same here. haven't been much of a fan of the city, and my crib factor with BMTC only continues to grow :) yeah, BMTC does have a route search. but never realized that the "IT drenched" city of b'lore would make such a half-assed attempt at it!!

i was rather anxious to know how one could get to ITPL from the main city bus stands. here's what the site suggests...
1. if you select a place close to the centre of the city which doesnt have a direct bus, here's what you get "Reach one of three the central bus stations - Kempegowda Bus Stand /Shivajinagar Bus Stand /K R Market and then, take a connecting bus."
2. if you select the kemegowda bus stand, you are offered a couple of options which are of no good (you would reach ITPL in time for lunch). so you select shivajinagar as departure & ITPL as destination. check it out :) "Reach one of the central bus stations - Kempegowda Bus Stand / K R Market and then, take a connecting bus."
3. now select k r market and watch the fun :) "Reach one of the central bus stations - Kempegowda Bus Stand /Shivajinagar Bus Stand and then, take a connecting bus."

:)

then again, wonder how many IT professionals in b'lore depend on BMTC to get around, and how many of them would even bother looking it up here. i for one, tried to depend on it and was pigheaded enough to look it up here :p

be ma sa sa

thats kannada for BMTC. the city transport system. otherwise known until recent past as rattling tin cans. yeah, they have changed over time now. not all are rattling tin cans anymore. some have graduated to coffins on wheels. kidding. they've got some decently comfy pushpaks and some a/c buses too. have you seen them? nope. sorry! all the IT companies have leased them out!

now this whole thing about experimenting with the bmtc spawned from my cousin's wild idea of making me travel to his place from office. that evening i did wonder why i had the privilege of leaving office early. banashankari to kamannahalli. if my geography serves me right, its like somewhere in south of bangalore to the north east. on the map it looks quite a reasonable distance. but there's that minor issue called "scale" that makes it all so unreasonable! i get the first inkling of distance when i see the ticket. Rs.11. wow! some distance. (strangers note, bus travel in b'lore is quite cheap. so Rs.11 on a ticket means FAAAAR.)

there's an interesting thing one should note about b'lore buses. winning a jackpot in vegas is easier than finding the routes written in english. yes, they do have numbers on them, in english. at times at three different places on the bus; and quite possible, all three different numbers. a flash of ingenuity made them put the number behind the bus. (BEST in mumbai has it in the front and by the door) whats the big idea in putting it behind the bus!? hey dude! this is the bus you just missed! was it the one you were looking for? too bad! there are bus shelters, but not one will you find that tell you the routes that come there. why? search me! but thats a consolation. until a few years back the best way to look for a bus stop was to find a tree with people huddled around it. a chipko movement of sorts :)

anyway, so started my journey spanning the city. you are told the journey time is 45mins. the unit of measurement also varies. what we commonly know as 1 second, lasts for 2 here.

then the passengers too are quite an enthusiastic crowd. bmtc buses dont have a bell. so the conductor needs to whistle (using a whistle or his fingers or just the avian mating call shriek) and the driver gets his cue. so you will find those who've mastered the art of miming the conductor's whistle :) rest is history. of course, there are also those random cases where drunkards wriggle their way in and get thrown out just as religiously!

i am given a landmark to lookout for. a huge watertank. "get off at the stop after the signal once you see this tank" i am told. i spot the tank but in my excitement of finally making it there, forget the other detail. that makes for a healthy evening walk. one that guarantees to work up an enviable appetite.

there's that thing about bangalore neighbourhoods too. almost all lanes & by lanes look alike. i thought i knew my cousin's locality. i see this ad sign "CMR Institutions" and am doubly sure now that i am in his area. the fact that CMR could have a very strong marketing team behind it skips my mind. only to realise that the ad signs appear on more than one road in that area :) i eventually resort to something my chromosome combination forbids me.... ask for directions. what do i do!? i carry a screwed up compass in my head! knocking it doesnt tilt the needle in any which way! and guess what, asking directions does help :)

why didnt i call my cousin? well, i have this thing with cell phone batteries you know... :)