for some odd reason people ask me about the status of the india-sa cricket match happening today here in chennai. this bloke so very well knows i'm plugged into an iPod and NOT a freaking radio! and i dont even like cricket!
something makes me stop short of whacking him. grr…
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
wooster plans
at places i go by the nick ‘wooster’. or ‘bertie’ alternatively. it is my fascination with the master P G Wodehouse and his works, and more so with the character he created. but i never quite realized that the ‘wooster’ tag would fit me in more ways than one.
i mean, the way i manage to comfortably plant myself into trouble is legendary. i could very well do without wooster help! but yes, it’s the wooster brain again that comes to the rescue at most times. jeeves does not always find his intellect in the spotlight :)
it was PP’s birthday yesterday and we are all gung-ho about it. the plot was to make the old top feel like a child again. pizza hut offers a good ground to make the birthday babies feel like well, babies :) the point was to get him there. he has his own sweet plans of throwing a party elsewhere. fortunately/unfortunately he hadn’t worked on it and we didn’t actually have a place to party out.
plans to set our plot to fruition were abound since friday, only PP had to be clandestinely brought there. he should not have the slightest wiff of what would be in store for him. so stage was set for the grand trap. witch, devil, m & c were only too glad to make me bell the cat. made me the head of lying dept. and was to come up with the most outlandish ways to woo PP to p.h.
the plot: PP and i share a common love – the iBook and the iPod. so i wanted him to try out the wi-fi features at p.h. and work on podcasting. i don’t quite know how/why he agreed to check it out, but i added the extra gizmo stuff on bluetooth to just seal the plot. icing on the cake eh? precisely. poor bloke was quite enthusiastic about it, but birthdays being birthdays, he had his hands full. all these lies and when i almost thought he had agreed, came in his itenary for the day. errands to run and party to throw, no time for gizmo checking.
witch, m & c did not subscribe to this plot. they wanted a tear jerker story to make for some man-to-wooster talk. how melodramatic these women can get! like yeah right, i'll manage to get PP all the way into p.h. just to talk about a non-existent sad life. a non-existent gizmo life was so much easier to weave! the podcasting not working out is melodramatic in itself! but they wont waste their kerchiefs on that. melodramatic too.
spent a frantic saturday fielding questions from w, m & c about the plan working out. PP for one, kept dodging the meet. left me wondering, had he smelt a rat? but we ensured the cake didn’t have rat in it. freaky! come sunday, the plan was showing signs of registering a bed in the ICU. dying its own sweet death. an appointment close to PP’s place and a subsequent visit there did nothing to further the cause of the plot one bit. of course, the turn of events were potent enough to make murphy’s rule book shudder in its folds.
PP in the meantime sifted through a zillion fliers trying to get a place for the party. my hunch is, all those places got a whiff of the menagerie he was bringing with him. almost everyone refused to entertain his requests. the cenotaph road dhaba express manager though was made of sterner substance. he agreed to brave our group and had the tables set. only, as the wooster plan would have it, we did not turn up there!
convinced that the p.h. plan was a washout, c suggested that PP be made aware of our devious intentions. so the plot unwraps before his gawking eyes as he drives his cousin at the airport, dropping me off enroute. i guess the diabolic nature of the plan made him miss a few turns and i was no where close to being dropped off! a trip to the airport for no particular reason is therapeutic at times. it helps one introspect and realize a whole lot of other things one does, again, for no particular reason.
strangely enough, spilling out the truth about the plan had a more favourable effect on PP than the plot. left me wondering about the effort i expended in spinning the damn yarn! damn w, m & c! PP instantly agreed to having a jig at p.h. so there i was, furiously getting back to messaging everyone about the change in venue and how the plot succeeded! until which time i was furiously messaging everyone about why the plot failed. thank god for free sms! prepaid service, thou has a valiant supporter of thy cause in me! so now, with the sudden turn of events, i got to be the em cee. again, for no particular reason! see? i told you the introspection helps.
of course, the confusion did prevail. part of the group were told to get to dhaba express while the rest were headed to p.h. truly devious eh!? >:) but PP was polite. he managed to get the rest to p.h.. shoot! what a spoil sport! would have been so much fun to find them at d.e. and no party happening there!
finally, with much fanfare, we have a good time at p.h. over pitchers of cola & ice tea (at least p.h. had got the tea part right. they need to work on the ice though) and some smacky pizzas to hog :) did we forget the cake!? naah! fed PP well with cake, with minor goof-ups in hand-to-mouth coordination. my hand, PP’s mouth. it was nice to see PP’s face smeared with a creamy pink moush & beard. nice fashion statement that ;)
ah! alls well that ends well. the wooster plan being a success after all! thank you devil, witch, m & c!
i mean, the way i manage to comfortably plant myself into trouble is legendary. i could very well do without wooster help! but yes, it’s the wooster brain again that comes to the rescue at most times. jeeves does not always find his intellect in the spotlight :)
it was PP’s birthday yesterday and we are all gung-ho about it. the plot was to make the old top feel like a child again. pizza hut offers a good ground to make the birthday babies feel like well, babies :) the point was to get him there. he has his own sweet plans of throwing a party elsewhere. fortunately/unfortunately he hadn’t worked on it and we didn’t actually have a place to party out.
plans to set our plot to fruition were abound since friday, only PP had to be clandestinely brought there. he should not have the slightest wiff of what would be in store for him. so stage was set for the grand trap. witch, devil, m & c were only too glad to make me bell the cat. made me the head of lying dept. and was to come up with the most outlandish ways to woo PP to p.h.
the plot: PP and i share a common love – the iBook and the iPod. so i wanted him to try out the wi-fi features at p.h. and work on podcasting. i don’t quite know how/why he agreed to check it out, but i added the extra gizmo stuff on bluetooth to just seal the plot. icing on the cake eh? precisely. poor bloke was quite enthusiastic about it, but birthdays being birthdays, he had his hands full. all these lies and when i almost thought he had agreed, came in his itenary for the day. errands to run and party to throw, no time for gizmo checking.
witch, m & c did not subscribe to this plot. they wanted a tear jerker story to make for some man-to-wooster talk. how melodramatic these women can get! like yeah right, i'll manage to get PP all the way into p.h. just to talk about a non-existent sad life. a non-existent gizmo life was so much easier to weave! the podcasting not working out is melodramatic in itself! but they wont waste their kerchiefs on that. melodramatic too.
spent a frantic saturday fielding questions from w, m & c about the plan working out. PP for one, kept dodging the meet. left me wondering, had he smelt a rat? but we ensured the cake didn’t have rat in it. freaky! come sunday, the plan was showing signs of registering a bed in the ICU. dying its own sweet death. an appointment close to PP’s place and a subsequent visit there did nothing to further the cause of the plot one bit. of course, the turn of events were potent enough to make murphy’s rule book shudder in its folds.
PP in the meantime sifted through a zillion fliers trying to get a place for the party. my hunch is, all those places got a whiff of the menagerie he was bringing with him. almost everyone refused to entertain his requests. the cenotaph road dhaba express manager though was made of sterner substance. he agreed to brave our group and had the tables set. only, as the wooster plan would have it, we did not turn up there!
convinced that the p.h. plan was a washout, c suggested that PP be made aware of our devious intentions. so the plot unwraps before his gawking eyes as he drives his cousin at the airport, dropping me off enroute. i guess the diabolic nature of the plan made him miss a few turns and i was no where close to being dropped off! a trip to the airport for no particular reason is therapeutic at times. it helps one introspect and realize a whole lot of other things one does, again, for no particular reason.
strangely enough, spilling out the truth about the plan had a more favourable effect on PP than the plot. left me wondering about the effort i expended in spinning the damn yarn! damn w, m & c! PP instantly agreed to having a jig at p.h. so there i was, furiously getting back to messaging everyone about the change in venue and how the plot succeeded! until which time i was furiously messaging everyone about why the plot failed. thank god for free sms! prepaid service, thou has a valiant supporter of thy cause in me! so now, with the sudden turn of events, i got to be the em cee. again, for no particular reason! see? i told you the introspection helps.
of course, the confusion did prevail. part of the group were told to get to dhaba express while the rest were headed to p.h. truly devious eh!? >:) but PP was polite. he managed to get the rest to p.h.. shoot! what a spoil sport! would have been so much fun to find them at d.e. and no party happening there!
finally, with much fanfare, we have a good time at p.h. over pitchers of cola & ice tea (at least p.h. had got the tea part right. they need to work on the ice though) and some smacky pizzas to hog :) did we forget the cake!? naah! fed PP well with cake, with minor goof-ups in hand-to-mouth coordination. my hand, PP’s mouth. it was nice to see PP’s face smeared with a creamy pink moush & beard. nice fashion statement that ;)
ah! alls well that ends well. the wooster plan being a success after all! thank you devil, witch, m & c!
Monday, November 14, 2005
lessons in probability
during one of my trips to bangalore, hailed a rick to get back home. normal affair that, but was only too pleased to find a rick-chap who agreed to go my way. got in with great gusto only to have something hit my head. hard. distinctly remember a cracking sound. looked around to find a lamp that was inches short of being called a chandelier. ‘thoda hallu chado saab! dekh ke! chot laga so?’ yeah sure… its just everyday that you find ricks with ceiling lamps.
‘You have confused the unusual and the impossible’ – Psmith. (Mike and Psmith, P G Wodehouse)
‘You have confused the unusual and the impossible’ – Psmith. (Mike and Psmith, P G Wodehouse)
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
ignorance
looking out
shaukhat ali/khan (i couldn’t care less) – he’s the prime minister of pakistan (i think, that doesn’t matter either). news channel interviews him as he surveys the earthquake hit parts of kashmir – the pakistan side. was intrigued by his choice of words. he called this side of kashmir ‘india occupied kashmir’. nothing quite wrong with that, we call the other side ‘pakistan occupied kashmir’. (it hurts at times when these terms get used so frivolously) what set it apart was he referred to pok as ‘azad kashmir’. he may be just a politician trained to talk that way, whether he believes in it or not. but even that doesn’t matter. it’s the inherent underlying assumption that hits.
i am not an authority in history, so don’t know what the status of kashmir ought to be. neither do i recollect the outcome of the plebiscite. but what do they mean by ‘azad kashmir’!? of course, they would want to make kashmir independent of india, but would they let it stay that way? just a thought. scratching this one gives me a headache.
looking in
the more pro-hindu parties (or their leaders, because they want to stay popular with their party followers) believe that we need a temple at ayodhya. so out goes a mosque. did we hindus have a dearth of temples to visit? or is it that this particular temple will provide us with some special powers that will deliver us from all our sins? (once we manage to segregate what acts comprise sin) with the temple made, are they now going to force us to visit it, just ’cos its been made? damn it! we’ve slogged our butts out on this one! you better pray there! what happened to all the altruistic options of an education institute or a hospital? too condescending for their egos?
there’s something i surely fail to notice. i agree.
"We are all ignorant, only about different things" - Mark Twain.
shaukhat ali/khan (i couldn’t care less) – he’s the prime minister of pakistan (i think, that doesn’t matter either). news channel interviews him as he surveys the earthquake hit parts of kashmir – the pakistan side. was intrigued by his choice of words. he called this side of kashmir ‘india occupied kashmir’. nothing quite wrong with that, we call the other side ‘pakistan occupied kashmir’. (it hurts at times when these terms get used so frivolously) what set it apart was he referred to pok as ‘azad kashmir’. he may be just a politician trained to talk that way, whether he believes in it or not. but even that doesn’t matter. it’s the inherent underlying assumption that hits.
i am not an authority in history, so don’t know what the status of kashmir ought to be. neither do i recollect the outcome of the plebiscite. but what do they mean by ‘azad kashmir’!? of course, they would want to make kashmir independent of india, but would they let it stay that way? just a thought. scratching this one gives me a headache.
looking in
the more pro-hindu parties (or their leaders, because they want to stay popular with their party followers) believe that we need a temple at ayodhya. so out goes a mosque. did we hindus have a dearth of temples to visit? or is it that this particular temple will provide us with some special powers that will deliver us from all our sins? (once we manage to segregate what acts comprise sin) with the temple made, are they now going to force us to visit it, just ’cos its been made? damn it! we’ve slogged our butts out on this one! you better pray there! what happened to all the altruistic options of an education institute or a hospital? too condescending for their egos?
there’s something i surely fail to notice. i agree.
"We are all ignorant, only about different things" - Mark Twain.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
wiser...
- learnt that pouring hot water in a PET bottle distorts it irreversibly. now it looks like its been molested!
- NDTV still sucks. "Live" reporter bugs passenger about cancelled train. "why did you want to go to bangalore?", he asks, "any urgent work?" his luck, he didnt ask me that...
- weather is pleasant, the low pressure has given chennai the rains it so much deserved. chennai never looked so good. sad, other places are being ravaged.
- office building is one of the tallest in this area. can see greenery all around!
Friday, October 21, 2005
from the archives
November 30, 2004
anyways, went to see Hulchul. i suggest you guys go for it too, in case you already havnt! on the lines of Hera Pheri.... total madness! i think in all its got abt 15mins of seriousness.
then hit the local restaurant for a late night dinner. we were pleasantly surprised to be served 'complimentary' sweet when we were just about done. i really had the looneyness to ask the waiter "why the show of magnanimity!?". he was only too kind to oblige..... he said something that meant little short of 'leftovers'. 'remaining' was the closest english word he could muster. '3hours stay. 2 hours over...... later spoil' me and my inquisitiveness! wonder how many hours had passed his 2 hours!!
if you hear from me tomorrow, you'll know i've survived the 'remaining'.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
telemarketers ahoy!
much as the world hates telemarketers, i have taken a fancy to them. especially here in chennai. for one, they are quite courteous and come with no urge to push the product into your hands. their intentions are purely entertainment in nature. your entertainment.
XYZ Bank: "Sir, calling from XYZ Credit Card division..."
me: "Uh.. no thank you"
XYZ Bank: "Ok" *click*
the call lasts all of 8 seconds, solely based on your ability to prolong it. (next time i shall follow that "uh.." with a "hmmm...") but leaves you with a very good feeling at the end of it. you dont have to shout/abuse the caller at the other end, quite politely (and gladly) he/she agrees to put the phone down (in most cases beats you to it) and also gives you that much appreciated power break in the midst of work :)
XYZ Bank: "Sir, calling from XYZ Credit Card division..."
me: "Uh.. no thank you"
XYZ Bank: "Ok" *click*
the call lasts all of 8 seconds, solely based on your ability to prolong it. (next time i shall follow that "uh.." with a "hmmm...") but leaves you with a very good feeling at the end of it. you dont have to shout/abuse the caller at the other end, quite politely (and gladly) he/she agrees to put the phone down (in most cases beats you to it) and also gives you that much appreciated power break in the midst of work :)
Monday, October 10, 2005
Saturday, October 08, 2005
its the cell phone this time...
nothing personal against chinese goods (i am talking gadgets here) - i think they make them real good. the unsettling part is when someone lets them develop the software too. and they have to confess, their profeciency in English, or the lack of it, is nothing to write home about. but definitely to blog about :p finally got down to setting up GPRS on my moto A760. some of the messages i encountered in my tryst:
- GPRS enable. Please waiting....
- Hutch GPRS connect successfully
- MMS message sending successfully
- (tried deleting an unsent MMS) MMS is sending... (it never did let me delete that message!)
- GPRS disable. Please waiting....
i will hunting more messages. Please waiting....
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
neighbour's envy
watching a movie could make you feel relaxed at times. but this was not one of those times. chanced upon "My Wife's Murder". did not have the faintest clue about the flick. that it was a hindi movie was an amusing revelation. that it was a ram gopal varma film did nothing to influence an urge to watch it. but feeling of not wanting to do anything was enough to get me going.
first things first. why such a title!? no one-difficult-hindi-word-with-an-english-explanation names? secondly, looks like suchitra krishnamurthy is on a comeback into showbiz. pity such a pretty face was chucked out so early in the movie. that sure sent my enthusiasm on a tailspin. i also started hating onida boxes. but i wonder where they get them made... pretty tough. they dont rip even when you pull them with dead bodies in! not a very good sales pitch that :-p
verdict - but for the onida box, quite indifferent.
first things first. why such a title!? no one-difficult-hindi-word-with-an-english-explanation names? secondly, looks like suchitra krishnamurthy is on a comeback into showbiz. pity such a pretty face was chucked out so early in the movie. that sure sent my enthusiasm on a tailspin. i also started hating onida boxes. but i wonder where they get them made... pretty tough. they dont rip even when you pull them with dead bodies in! not a very good sales pitch that :-p
verdict - but for the onida box, quite indifferent.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Friday, September 30, 2005
office conversations
#1
something that transpired between the tech lead & me when i just came in last week. was trying to get my m/c moved to a new location (my prev location was taken while i was away)
TL: has your m/c been moved to the new place?
me: nope. spoke to IMG (our office help junta) they said it would not be done till 3pm as there were no assistants around
TL: why till 3pm!?
me: 'cos its rahu kalam till 3pm. its not auspicious to move the machine during that time. might create problems in the proj later.
TL: aiyyo! but today is thursday... rahu kalam starts at 5pm!
me: (speechless)
#2
was explaining to a colleague how the iTrip works
me: its a small FM transmitter, an add-on that transmits the iPod output at an FM frequency.
bloke: what does that do?
me: (i suppose radio transmission was not enough. it was made to accomplish bigger things in life) any FM receiver in the vicinity of 5-6ft can receive whatever the iPod transmits
bloke: so that requires bluetooth right?
me: (speechless)
something that transpired between the tech lead & me when i just came in last week. was trying to get my m/c moved to a new location (my prev location was taken while i was away)
TL: has your m/c been moved to the new place?
me: nope. spoke to IMG (our office help junta) they said it would not be done till 3pm as there were no assistants around
TL: why till 3pm!?
me: 'cos its rahu kalam till 3pm. its not auspicious to move the machine during that time. might create problems in the proj later.
TL: aiyyo! but today is thursday... rahu kalam starts at 5pm!
me: (speechless)
#2
was explaining to a colleague how the iTrip works
me: its a small FM transmitter, an add-on that transmits the iPod output at an FM frequency.
bloke: what does that do?
me: (i suppose radio transmission was not enough. it was made to accomplish bigger things in life) any FM receiver in the vicinity of 5-6ft can receive whatever the iPod transmits
bloke: so that requires bluetooth right?
me: (speechless)
Thursday, September 29, 2005
chow time
i prefer not looking up the canteen menu before having my lunch. more often than otherwise its a scary proposition. holds prospects of terrible damage to one's appetite! its usually more fun to scan it on the way out. you know, kind of lets you play "match-the-following". today they had something called cappathi and jaalfrazi. on other days they offer "barota". am i glad i dont read it beforehand! :-)
civic sense
always thought this city lacked sensitivity. all that concerns these people is their larger-than-the-world egos. was watching an ambulance desparately trying to wade its way thru traffic, sirens bellowing. not one wretched soul gave way. all they wanted to do was get past the signal before it turned red.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
games people play
game #1
its this thing about strollers that gets to me! somehow its a stand out feature of desis in the US. like a sign of social image. bigger the image, bigger the stroller as one would like it to be. in most cases one can find the baby's stuff spilling out of it (with more underneath) and the baby itself in the parent's arms....!
they no longer come on four wheels. its a complete 8 wheeler! a trailer is whats lacking. a bonanza if the mom conceives twins. can see the gleaming mom as she pushes the stroller around. the pride is not in having a cute/chubby baby. its more about getting to push that HUGE stroller around. i would love to let her lug my luggage cart around till her heart's content!
"yay yay! my hubby is phoren return. he got this stroller (its not a pram!) for our baby!"
game #2 (literally!)
spotted this guy in a rick. laptop open and a frenzy of fingers flying on the keyboard. laptop... while in a rick!? of course, what else would he be found doing.... playing solitaire :-)
something tells me this list will grow :-)
its this thing about strollers that gets to me! somehow its a stand out feature of desis in the US. like a sign of social image. bigger the image, bigger the stroller as one would like it to be. in most cases one can find the baby's stuff spilling out of it (with more underneath) and the baby itself in the parent's arms....!
they no longer come on four wheels. its a complete 8 wheeler! a trailer is whats lacking. a bonanza if the mom conceives twins. can see the gleaming mom as she pushes the stroller around. the pride is not in having a cute/chubby baby. its more about getting to push that HUGE stroller around. i would love to let her lug my luggage cart around till her heart's content!
"yay yay! my hubby is phoren return. he got this stroller (its not a pram!) for our baby!"
game #2 (literally!)
spotted this guy in a rick. laptop open and a frenzy of fingers flying on the keyboard. laptop... while in a rick!? of course, what else would he be found doing.... playing solitaire :-)
something tells me this list will grow :-)
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
dont rub it in, scrub it out!
is it so difficult for us to look at pakistanis as just neighbouring countrymen!? is it a dictum somewhere that if we speak of or to a pakistani the issue of border dispute and war has to be brought up? there might be scores of examples pointing the other way (and am glad there are!!) but my eyes fell on some idotic posts and has had me peeved to the level of disgust.
just sample this discussion forum (link will open in new window). it is supposed to be a harmless thread talking about indian cars and how much a pakistani chap likes the designs... this chap 'kavs' as he goes by, has to underscore the rift between the two countries! i admire the pakistani chap for not playing along and changing the course of the thread :) thankfully, one of them is sane :p
just sample this discussion forum (link will open in new window). it is supposed to be a harmless thread talking about indian cars and how much a pakistani chap likes the designs... this chap 'kavs' as he goes by, has to underscore the rift between the two countries! i admire the pakistani chap for not playing along and changing the course of the thread :) thankfully, one of them is sane :p
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
NatGeo
watching this documentary on NatGeo about hidden amazon tribes. (for once i am watching something informational!) there's this tribe zoha or something that rhymes that way who are kind of close to nature. i mean in every sense of it. naturists, every one of them. male, female included.
woman making a nice headgear from a local bird's soft white feathers. now here's the commentator's interpretation: that is the way the women distinguish themselves from the men. eh? bunch of skinny dippers need to distinguish between the genders through apparel accessories!?
but there was one little thing that caught my attention (no pun intended here!) if the tribe, in its hunt, manages to find an animal/bird that managed to survive their hunting expedition, then catches the creature and makes it their pet! yes, they dont eat it. its brethern are ingested but not the survivor! pet monkey wearing a tiny necklace made of another monkey's teeth. how comforting for this pet!
ok. now i get back to the show. really interesting this channel :) pity its on paid access in chennai.
woman making a nice headgear from a local bird's soft white feathers. now here's the commentator's interpretation: that is the way the women distinguish themselves from the men. eh? bunch of skinny dippers need to distinguish between the genders through apparel accessories!?
but there was one little thing that caught my attention (no pun intended here!) if the tribe, in its hunt, manages to find an animal/bird that managed to survive their hunting expedition, then catches the creature and makes it their pet! yes, they dont eat it. its brethern are ingested but not the survivor! pet monkey wearing a tiny necklace made of another monkey's teeth. how comforting for this pet!
ok. now i get back to the show. really interesting this channel :) pity its on paid access in chennai.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
freedom of (from!?) intelligence
having observed how much of attention is given to the details in the things here, it got me thinking about the people behind these ideas. must be quite smart and intelligent! yeah... sure!
just a handful of incidents that were enough to shatter my illusion :-) never have i found the goofiness of the people here manifest itself in a more convincing manner!! what do you know, they actually take pride in it :-)
was flying a domestic sector here on united. for most americans, flying is quite matter-of-fact. if its too far to drive, one would rather fly. so there, stage set. a bit of turbulence in the air and we were all asked to buckle up. happily belted to the seat and dozing, i hear the steward, pushing his cart up the aisle, reminding people to remain seated. stopping right behind my row, this chap squats on the plane floor (apparently, thats what the crew does if they are away from their seats during turbulence) and makes this interesting quote to the passenger behind me. "you know how difficult it is to convince people to remain seated during turbulence!? its dangerous to stand at such times! but i am told people in india fly that way!" boy! did that wake me up or what :-) had me sitting wide awake... part bewildered, part guffawing :-) should i have corrected him? naaah! he's lesser a menace with his ignorance! :-p
in america, theres a lot of importance given to 'personal space'. (must've sprung from that deep rooted zeal for freedom in every sense.) while in queue, the person behind you could very well be two paces away. they'll patiently wait their turn till you are done (must really appreciate this one.) not to forget the gazzillion "oh! am sorry!!", "oh! pardon me!!" etc thrown in for good measure were they to be in your way. yeah, its all about personal space. fiercely protected and respected. thats why you have shows like the jerry springer show (fail to recollect the channel that airs it). yawn! another show... well, no :-) its not another show :-) if there's anything thats the cause for emotional angst, get it all out at this place. you can tell him your problems (son hating his mom, girl wanting to marry her drug addict boyfriend who hates and abuses her, etc.) you name it, he's got the stage set for you. literally! he comes with his bunch of bouncers (you need those hulks when you dont want an uncle to fight with his nephew before national tv!) and a HUGE audience. yes, there's a waiting line for people who want to witness this madness!! they even throw in a "coming right after the break... xyz settles score with his estranged mother.... all this and more after these messages" .....!!....?? but do not forget... personal space is very much respected here :-)
oh yes, quite a convincing display of intellect here :-) but this one was an overkill. saw an ad for an optical reader card. a credit card sized magnifying glass with a tiny little light on one side. cool thingamajig, but what caught me was the way it was advertised. well, where do you use stuff like this!? how about reading the restaurant menu card? or something better.... your cell phone keypad!! :-)
just a handful of incidents that were enough to shatter my illusion :-) never have i found the goofiness of the people here manifest itself in a more convincing manner!! what do you know, they actually take pride in it :-)
was flying a domestic sector here on united. for most americans, flying is quite matter-of-fact. if its too far to drive, one would rather fly. so there, stage set. a bit of turbulence in the air and we were all asked to buckle up. happily belted to the seat and dozing, i hear the steward, pushing his cart up the aisle, reminding people to remain seated. stopping right behind my row, this chap squats on the plane floor (apparently, thats what the crew does if they are away from their seats during turbulence) and makes this interesting quote to the passenger behind me. "you know how difficult it is to convince people to remain seated during turbulence!? its dangerous to stand at such times! but i am told people in india fly that way!" boy! did that wake me up or what :-) had me sitting wide awake... part bewildered, part guffawing :-) should i have corrected him? naaah! he's lesser a menace with his ignorance! :-p
in america, theres a lot of importance given to 'personal space'. (must've sprung from that deep rooted zeal for freedom in every sense.) while in queue, the person behind you could very well be two paces away. they'll patiently wait their turn till you are done (must really appreciate this one.) not to forget the gazzillion "oh! am sorry!!", "oh! pardon me!!" etc thrown in for good measure were they to be in your way. yeah, its all about personal space. fiercely protected and respected. thats why you have shows like the jerry springer show (fail to recollect the channel that airs it). yawn! another show... well, no :-) its not another show :-) if there's anything thats the cause for emotional angst, get it all out at this place. you can tell him your problems (son hating his mom, girl wanting to marry her drug addict boyfriend who hates and abuses her, etc.) you name it, he's got the stage set for you. literally! he comes with his bunch of bouncers (you need those hulks when you dont want an uncle to fight with his nephew before national tv!) and a HUGE audience. yes, there's a waiting line for people who want to witness this madness!! they even throw in a "coming right after the break... xyz settles score with his estranged mother.... all this and more after these messages" .....!!....?? but do not forget... personal space is very much respected here :-)
oh yes, quite a convincing display of intellect here :-) but this one was an overkill. saw an ad for an optical reader card. a credit card sized magnifying glass with a tiny little light on one side. cool thingamajig, but what caught me was the way it was advertised. well, where do you use stuff like this!? how about reading the restaurant menu card? or something better.... your cell phone keypad!! :-)
Saturday, August 06, 2005
exit>
got my first dose of what an emergency meant here in the US. jolted out of bed at 7:30AM on a saturday morning thanks to a fire alarm. not a very pleasing wake up call let me tell you!
a fire alarm with the sorest of throats! first i cursed myself for having forgotten to not keep an alarm only to realise it never rang that way. i had even yanked the power cord out, totally futile. it hadnt even blurted as much as a hiccup. i had clearly chosen the wrong opponent.
checked for all probable sources of smoke/fire in my room and having acquitted myself of the deed went onto the next course of action - evacuating myself. these caution signs that they flood the place with sure come handy! the messages get thrown at you in such regular intervals, within a day you would have it by rote! and when the real emergency presents itself, you can steer yourself to safety with your eyes closed. i can bet no one reads those signs at such times!
step 3 in life-saving activity was to get out of the room and out of the hotel itself. what if it was a really bad fire!? what if the whole place came crashing down. the american disease called 'extreme paranoia' hit me too. wanted to grab by baggage and scoot but ended up picking just the room key and my passport. i have been making up to my iPod for a while now. it is rather disappointed at me.
when you have an alarm blaring this loud, there is only one thing you can do - just get the hell out of that place. thats what i've been trying to tell my iPod. oh, my colleague did show me the other way - blissfully sleep through it as if nothing ever happened!
must've taken about a couple of minutes for the fire department to turn up, but was surprised no cops/ambulance tagged along. i must stop watching these action movies!
anyway, in the end it seemed like much ado about nothing. no smoke no fire no emergency. was it a hoax? or a prank? if it were a prank... felt really bad for the old man literaly limping his way around (but that babe in night dress looked so enticing! he he hee... sigh! thank god for small mercies!) ;-)
a fire alarm with the sorest of throats! first i cursed myself for having forgotten to not keep an alarm only to realise it never rang that way. i had even yanked the power cord out, totally futile. it hadnt even blurted as much as a hiccup. i had clearly chosen the wrong opponent.
checked for all probable sources of smoke/fire in my room and having acquitted myself of the deed went onto the next course of action - evacuating myself. these caution signs that they flood the place with sure come handy! the messages get thrown at you in such regular intervals, within a day you would have it by rote! and when the real emergency presents itself, you can steer yourself to safety with your eyes closed. i can bet no one reads those signs at such times!
step 3 in life-saving activity was to get out of the room and out of the hotel itself. what if it was a really bad fire!? what if the whole place came crashing down. the american disease called 'extreme paranoia' hit me too. wanted to grab by baggage and scoot but ended up picking just the room key and my passport. i have been making up to my iPod for a while now. it is rather disappointed at me.
when you have an alarm blaring this loud, there is only one thing you can do - just get the hell out of that place. thats what i've been trying to tell my iPod. oh, my colleague did show me the other way - blissfully sleep through it as if nothing ever happened!
must've taken about a couple of minutes for the fire department to turn up, but was surprised no cops/ambulance tagged along. i must stop watching these action movies!
anyway, in the end it seemed like much ado about nothing. no smoke no fire no emergency. was it a hoax? or a prank? if it were a prank... felt really bad for the old man literaly limping his way around (but that babe in night dress looked so enticing! he he hee... sigh! thank god for small mercies!) ;-)
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
sqaure sir!?
of late, this thing has had me baffled to no end. i mean, whats the big deal about it!? go to the barber, get that hair cut, walk out as a creature with a semblance farther away from a primate. that was all i thought there was to getting a haircut. now with such an approach, i surely seem to identify with a primate!
this time around, i did succumb to the calls of making myself look 'presentable' (just stopped short of gift wrapping myself). its important, etiquette training tells us, how clients perceive business executives from their appearances. i was also told that i was a business executive (thats important too). so i shun my friendly neighbourhood barbershop and go to some place that oozed with a good measure of finesse. these guys know how to make a primate look like human (or, as i would like to believe, the other way!)
savvy place this Green Trends. kavin care runs it, and its infested most of chennai. i thought it was a levers' misdoing. the salon cashier corrects me with "thats ayush, sir!" at least he knows his competitor! am glad :) as i step into the operation theatre, surgeon steps in, apron on, covers me in a black robe (was that to prevent the agony of seeing so much hair being lost or to act as a dandruff mirror!?) everything about that place seemed stylish - the rates included! i had ventured here on my roomie's suggestion (this better be good!)
to do justice to the charge, i tell the surgeon "make it reeeaalleee short" and he replies with a surprised, "full short sir!?" me thinks, is there more than one way of interpreting what short meant!? or was there something called 'half short'!? "yes, full short." "but it wont sit sir." i tell him i'm used to having my hair stand on end, but he doesnt get it. he asks, albeit reluctantly, "square sir!?". excuse me!? square!? did not know geometry had a role to play in this. nor was my mental status deserving such an interrogation! but the chappie was kind enough to explain, it was the finish on the back of the head that he meant. aah! did anyone ever bother about such things!?
for 17 years, not once did my friendly neighbourhood mumbai barber put me through so much of cross questioning. such permutations and combinations in hairstyles were intuitive to him. or maybe he was used to following my mom's instructions for 3 years prior to that :-) he would dare not question her idea about how her son's head should look. he was used to working his sickle in silence.
where was i? aah yes, the short square cut. for one who hates cricket, i must confess, this jargon does come handy at times! the surgeon was concerned about how i looked. i was concerned about saving precious dollars, $15 (plus tips, sorry gratuity) isnt a very pleasing price to pay when you part with something thats yours! its one of the preparations we guys have to do before a trip to Sam's land. i could see those cents jingling in my pocket with every mm of hair that fell on the floor! go baby go! cut more! its harvest season!! until... stop! this human now does look like a primate!
surgeon looks at me with a helpless.... sir, i told you, it will not sit! baah! am used to it! does it even matter!?
this time around, i did succumb to the calls of making myself look 'presentable' (just stopped short of gift wrapping myself). its important, etiquette training tells us, how clients perceive business executives from their appearances. i was also told that i was a business executive (thats important too). so i shun my friendly neighbourhood barbershop and go to some place that oozed with a good measure of finesse. these guys know how to make a primate look like human (or, as i would like to believe, the other way!)
savvy place this Green Trends. kavin care runs it, and its infested most of chennai. i thought it was a levers' misdoing. the salon cashier corrects me with "thats ayush, sir!" at least he knows his competitor! am glad :) as i step into the operation theatre, surgeon steps in, apron on, covers me in a black robe (was that to prevent the agony of seeing so much hair being lost or to act as a dandruff mirror!?) everything about that place seemed stylish - the rates included! i had ventured here on my roomie's suggestion (this better be good!)
to do justice to the charge, i tell the surgeon "make it reeeaalleee short" and he replies with a surprised, "full short sir!?" me thinks, is there more than one way of interpreting what short meant!? or was there something called 'half short'!? "yes, full short." "but it wont sit sir." i tell him i'm used to having my hair stand on end, but he doesnt get it. he asks, albeit reluctantly, "square sir!?". excuse me!? square!? did not know geometry had a role to play in this. nor was my mental status deserving such an interrogation! but the chappie was kind enough to explain, it was the finish on the back of the head that he meant. aah! did anyone ever bother about such things!?
for 17 years, not once did my friendly neighbourhood mumbai barber put me through so much of cross questioning. such permutations and combinations in hairstyles were intuitive to him. or maybe he was used to following my mom's instructions for 3 years prior to that :-) he would dare not question her idea about how her son's head should look. he was used to working his sickle in silence.
where was i? aah yes, the short square cut. for one who hates cricket, i must confess, this jargon does come handy at times! the surgeon was concerned about how i looked. i was concerned about saving precious dollars, $15 (plus tips, sorry gratuity) isnt a very pleasing price to pay when you part with something thats yours! its one of the preparations we guys have to do before a trip to Sam's land. i could see those cents jingling in my pocket with every mm of hair that fell on the floor! go baby go! cut more! its harvest season!! until... stop! this human now does look like a primate!
surgeon looks at me with a helpless.... sir, i told you, it will not sit! baah! am used to it! does it even matter!?
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